It was October 5th 2012. It was cold outside, and, as usual, I was dreading having to visit my grandmother in her long term care facility. She’d been sick for a while. In and out of hospitals for at least a year with heart problems – that because of her age – no doctor would even attempt to fix. Relieve maybe, but not fix.
When she got sick in 2011 we realized that we didn’t have the capability to take care of her and my parents got her into a long term care facility in Bonavista. I hated that place, it smelt of antiseptic and the colors on the wall were downright depressing. Even the nurses looked like they wanted to get out of there. No one should have to live here! I was appalled that my parents- after taking care of her for so long- would just leave her here in this dungeon to fend for herself.
Back to October 5th though. Like I said, it was cold. My mom and I left the house at around 3 pm and got into her red Toyota which was blasting heat out of the vents thanks to the automatic remote we had obtained from the car company. She drove the twenty minutes to the facility, parked the car and made her way to the underground elevator. I followed. I stepped into the elevator and immediately felt as if I was in an enclosed box which was bound to break down at any minute. It stopped at the second floor and we both stepped out into the building. The smell of sanitizer made my nose run and the elderly people in wheelchairs or walkers invited goosebumps to place themselves on my arms. I shuddered at the sight of the sick and the dying and tried to avoid eye contact with most of them. We made our way to my grandmas room which she shared with her roommate – a sweet ninety-something woman who never really had too many visitors- and said hello. The next hour was relatively uneventful, nurses came in and out, pills were ingested, and last weeks stories shared.
I was in my own little world at this point, daydreaming about something or the other and suddenly, I heard my mom whispering at me to go grab a nurse or doctor and get them here immediately. I looked up at my grandma and saw her gagging as if she was trying to throw something up. I ran out of the room and into the kitchen area and grabbed the first uniformed person I could find. I couldn’t make myself enter the room again, I was too afraid – my hands were shaking, my heart was beating rapidly-I didn’t want to witness my grandmother dying, which I was pretty sure was happening. So I plotted myself on the chair outside the door and looked straight ahead clenching my hands to halt the shaking.
About twenty minutes later my mom came out and told me that she had passed away. I don’t think I felt anything in that moment. My whole body was numb. My head was pounding. I felt as though I was a character in a movie; that the director would call ‘’CUT!’’ and soon this would all be over. But that wasn’t the case.
We gathered up the rest of my family to say goodbye and circled around her bed to say our last farewells. As we left the nursing home we were all teary eyed and flushed, no one bothered talking to or comforting anyone, we were all just stuck inside our own minds. We made our way back to our house, dividing ourselves between the cars making sure no one was driving alone.
It was difficult for me to understand the effect my grandmother had on my life before she died. I was just an eleven year old girl who didn’t really appreciate her to the best of my ability. I think, if anything good can come out of her death it’s the fact that I take the time now to appreciate the people in my life. I hug my mom every time she leaves the house and say I love you more to the people in my family. I’ve become more of a family person because I now understand the importance of my loved ones.
